Dear Fanny, I’ve just turned 45 and I feel like my sex drive has died. I’ve been in a long term relationship for years and I’m happy. My partner has never been rampant, but sex has always been regular. I still wake hard, but barely even wank anymore. What’s wrong with me?
Hey H, Nothing’s ‘wrong’ with you! You’re mojo may have settled down a little, but that doesn’t mean to say you can’t get it back if you want to or that it won’t come back with a vengeance all on it’s own. It’s safe to say we all experiences highs and lows with our sex drives. I’m sure everyone’s been a victim to the stresses from day to day life creeping in and killing our horn at the most inconvenient time at at least one time or another.
‘Sex has always been regular’ you say, so like once a week? Every second Friday of the month? Penciled in on the calender? Sex is a beautiful, natural, often spontaneous act. Perhaps your excitement has waned because you have come to expect it ‘regularly’. I’m sure you’re still very much attracted to your partner, perhaps you could share your concerns with her and make a mutual effort to spice things up a little in the bedroom?
Or agree to NOT have sex for a certain period of time. There’s A LOT of truth in that saying ‘we want what we can’t have’, by taking it off the table you’re removing any pressure on yourself to ‘perform’ and opening the door to have a little fun. Subtly teasing each other and communicating about sex is sometimes lost over the years, that’s not to say you can’t get it back.
Or if you’re not quite ready to talk to your partner about it, enforce a no wanking ban on yourself for a week or two? You still wake with an erection, so you’re physically still game, I get the feeling you’ve simply lost interest, by challenging yourself to a little solo sexual task you’re again removing any pressure and testing your desire.
If you feel it runs deeper than simple ‘boredom’ then you might want to see your GP, but I think you’re going to do just fine. Give it a go, deny your cock a little action and he’ll soon make his needs known, I’d put my favourite dildo on it! Good luck, have fun and stay sexy! x